Young girls dream of many things. We throw a roll of toilet paper on our heads and play wedding, bandage Snoopy’s boo-boo and play doctor, and stick the doll under our shirts and pretend to give birth. Well, we don’t all become doctors, and some of us have our children differently than we planned as well. Adoption can be one of those lanes on the highway of life that yield a mishmash of emotions, from honor, to fear, to pure raw exhilaration. Julie Wolf, a therapist with Hope Counseling Clinic in Winter Garden (www.hopecounsel.com) and an adoptive mother, holds an enlightened (and educated) perspective on the subject. Regardless of uncertainty, she promises if your primary perspective is to be a parent, the flood of love that comes when you first hold your baby will wash away those doubts.

(THROUGH FAMILY SERVICES OF METRO ORLANDO) The heart gallery is a great resource to the children of Central Florida who await adoption through the foster care system. The gallery is a place to see their beautiful faces and hear their stories, hopes and dreams. Since the gallery “opened” three years ago, more than 40 percent of the children featured have found their forever homes!

There are many roads to take. You’ll have personal reasons for the one you choose. Here are some general guidelines to get you started on your path.

PRIVATE ADOPTION in the United States (called domestic adoption) means adopting from an agency or private organization. Many hopefuls yearn for coos and caas, resulting in lots of waiting families and yielding a process that may take an average of between 18 and 36 months. Here, typically the birth mother chooses the family she wants to raise her baby and decides whether to have an open, semi-open or closed adoption (truly closed adoptions are rare). In Florida, a birth mother signs the adoption paperwork after the baby is born, and cannot change her mind after 48 hours have passed. Get the wallets ready because private adoption can be expensive, ranging from $20,000 to $30,000. Don’t turn away just yet, though, since many agencies offer financing plans and the government gives a tax credit of around $12,000, helping to ease the financial obligation. (Why so expensive? Think lots of paperwork, its proper handling, and lawyers and courts to make everything legal.) There can be a bigger risk of money lost with a private adoption because birth moms do have the right to change their minds before the papers are signed.

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION involves a baby or young child, but usually not a newborn. Costs are comparable to domestic private adoption, as there tend to be “hidden” expenses, such as travel to and lodging in the foreign country to visit the agency or pick up your child. There is less of a likelihood of losing that invested money this route. Bethany Christian Services (www.bethany.org), the largest adoption agency in the United States, with an office in Winter Garden, cautions families that different countries have different guidelines. (For example, in Colombia, single women are eligible only to adopt a child over the age of 7. China will not adopt to a person over 55. Taiwan will not adopt to single parents. Children from Haiti cannot go to homes that already have children in them. Some regions in Russia prefer children go to homes with an average annual income of at least $60,000.) Agencies dealing with international adoption often have teams of specialists within these countries — specialists who speak the language, know the customs and are familiar with their local adoption practices — to better assist parents with the process.

When children have been removed from their parents’ care, they are placed in the foster care system and become eligible for a STATE ADOPTION. Children in the state adoption program tend to be older. Sometimes that’s because it’s a sibling group that wants to stay together. One major difference between this journey and the private adoption journey: time. While some families may wait years for a baby through private adoption, because there are so many children waiting in the state system, the public adoption process is usually a nine-month process, start to finish. If you choose to adopt a child with special needs, the process may be quicker. Additionally, state adoptions are free. One disturbing myth that remains prevalent about adopting older children is that they “are flawed or in foster care because of something they did,” Mawoussi says. This is absolutely untrue. “When you adopt an older child,” he points out, “that child remembers. And they tend to be more appreciative.”

In March 2010, Dawn Klungseth (pictured above) founded AdopTrek. This nonprofit group helps families throughout the entire adoption process through workshops and events. Dawn knows how important it is to have support and education. In many cases, it helps families to not give up hope.

Patience and paperwork: The former, you’ll need lots of during the process; the latter, you’ll encounter in droves. In a nutshell, adoption on average can take anywhere from one day to three years. But the average is about 18 months from the time of Home Study to placement. Before you begin the process, be sure to gather lots of info. If you’re going to do a private adoption, research agencies to find one in line with your values. Trust is essential, and it’s paramount that your agency is legally sound. Ask questions, lots of questions, and consider meeting with other parents who have successfully adopted through your chosen agency.

The adoption process itself — no matter the type of adoption you choose — all begins with an orientation and an application. Private agencies often hold seminars and orientations designed to educate potential parents about the ins and outs of the process. You’ll meet other families and agency staff, and have the opportunity to voice concerns and ask questions. After orientation, expect more paperwork (like background checks and agreements). Upon approval, you’ll enter into the Home Study process.

Here’s where your heart rate starts to rage, right? While the Home Study may sound intimidating, it’s what ultimately qualifies you to adopt. (Again, stay strong, and remember, perfection is never a requirement.) Mandatory in all Florida adoptions, the Home Study ensures each and every child goes to a stable, loving, supportive home. At this point, parents pursuing domestic adoption usually get the opportunity to create a Birth Parent Letter or Profile. Think of this as a scrapbook addressed to the birth parents of an unborn child. It’s important to tell them all about you, your family and your home. This is your time to shine. And then the waiting begins. After the Home Study, parents pursuing international adoption often will complete additional documents (many specific to the country from which they’re adopting) and will need to attend additional meetings. The parents then wait. Once a referral is received, parents may wait a bit longer, then travel to their new child’s homeland (and stay as required by that country’s adoption laws before bringing their child home).

Because so much waiting can be involved in private adoptions, one Orlando-based agency, A Chosen Child (www.achosenchild.com), advises expectant parents that it’s not a bad idea to keep busy. Consider this waiting to be congruent with being pregnant … without the morning sickness and exhaustion. The months before adopting may be a great time to start a new hobby, finish an old project or take a trip. Consider entering marriage counseling, taking parenting classes or joining a network of adoptive families. And Wolf advises waiting parents of one more thing: “Do not,” she says, “watch Lifetime.” It will scare the heck out of you.

The public adoption process is much like the private one — except that while families are waiting for a child through the private route, in public adoption, the children are waiting for families. Besides an initial application, prospective ‘rents begin by attending an orientation meeting and completing a questionnaire. At that point, you’ll attend the state-mandated Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting (MAPP) course, a 30-hour training. (MAPP is a free 10-week course designed to prepare you for the challenges and joys ahead.) Once you’ve completed your coursework, a case manager comes to your home to conduct a personal history interview, beginning the Home Study process. At least two times during the adoption process, the case manager will return to visit your home. During this period, background checks (for criminal history and abuse) and inspections (of your home and health) will be performed (did we mention there’d be some paperwork?). Finally, you’ll need references — of the personal and professional nature. So be sure to kiss up to those you put on the list and remind them, jokes that you’d sell your kids on eBay as a disciplinary tactic are NOT appreciated.

Once a birth mother chooses you, your wait before you get your child will depend on how far along in her pregnancy she is. After the baby is born, the mother has 48 hours to sign the papers, making your child legally yours. After that, it takes about 90 days for what is called “finalization,” meaning all the legal docs are complete, and you receive a new birth certificate stating you as your child’s parent. This birth certificate looks just like the birth certificates biological parents receive for their children.

Regardless of whether you choose public, private, domestic or international adoption, it’s crucial to continue your education well after you’ve brought your child home. Expect follow-up visits from your caseworker. Look for support groups. And don’t be surprised if you experience post-placement blues, says Wolf. After such a long journey of months and maybe even years, it’s common for an adoptive parent (much like any other parent) to experience a type of “letdown” after the pursuit is over and a new way of life begins.

While each child’s journey is as unique as the child himself, experts agree on certain things. As a counselor — and a mother — Wolf says that adoptive parents tend to experience false guilt and attribute way too much to adoption. (”Would my 2-year-old be throwing this tantrum if I were her birth mother?” Um, yes!) And don’t be fooled into thinking that adopted children don’t have as close of a bond with their adoptive parents.

Of course, children are curious, so naturally an adopted child will be curious about his birth parents. Wolf urges parents not to take this personally, noting that it’s “absolutely essential” that adopted children — from a very early age — are told that they were adopted. As you explain the role adoption has had in your child’s life, Wolf says simply, “Don’t overdo it, and don’t underdo it.” While a child’s beginning is an important part of her story, Wolf reminds parents, “How you join your family doesn’t define who you are.”

We get that adoption can be a big unknown. But new parents will tell you, their world is opened, they adore their child and that fear is overshadowed. And if you think you can open your home — and your heart — then adoption may be an option for you.